did you get engaged???
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
