Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're a disaster
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