Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
