I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
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Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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