Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
