Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
