Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i love accidental penises.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
