..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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