I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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