He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
