Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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