i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't think brook has ever known best
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
