i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
