im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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