the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
