I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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