He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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