grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
