Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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