So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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