I feel great
I just peed on a car
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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