you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
