I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
