i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Someone came in the potted fern
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
