I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
