Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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