she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
