If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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