Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
