if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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