how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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