Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
