I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
