No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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