would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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