TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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