I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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