I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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