I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
