I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
