i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
