he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
