I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
