Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize