Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Randomize
