Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
