Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
