My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
