But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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