Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
