his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
