You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
