I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Do vagina's smell?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
