My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye