So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.