she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy