I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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