I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
