The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
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He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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