Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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