we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
