is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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