im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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