Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
