I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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