i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
