Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
