i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
