how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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