is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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