He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
