clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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