i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
