Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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