i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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