you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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