Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
love makes seman taste better
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
