What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
