I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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