I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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