Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
