please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize